


wish you were gay

by mishmeshcider



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Kyungsoo is a TA, M/M, Pining, smut (only a lil)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-01
Updated: 2019-05-07
Packaged: 2020-02-10 23:35:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18670669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mishmeshcider/pseuds/mishmeshcider
Summary: Chanyeol really really wishes his beautiful TA were gay. His roommate Baekhyun insists he should not assume people's sexuality, but Chanyeol insists on trusting his senses.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Since Chanyeol likes billie eilish, this seemed appropriate.  
> TA = Teacher's Assistant
> 
> This fic is already completed, so I will just update chapter by chapter throughout this week!

Chapter I

 

Chanyeol was certain that he liked Kyungsoo. No scratch that. He was certain that he loved Kyungsoo. He was most certainly in the loves with Kyungsoo. Surely and absolutely. Kyungsoo was the softest man he had ever met. He was like the melody of a viola; soft, calming, soothing and yet so powerful whenever he needed to be. He loved all that about him. He loved his quite, and he loved the rarity of his boisterous laughter. He loved the focused expression he always wore as much as he loved his soft smiles, especially when directed at him. He simply was head over heels stupid in love with Kyungsoo.

There was one major issue here though. As certain as Chanyeol was that he loved Kyungsoo, he was also certain that Kyungsoo is straight. As a gay of 24 years – Chanyeol believed he knew he was gay the day he was born – he was quite confident in his ability to sense the gay in others. He was never wrong, and sometimes, especially in high school, he would know someone is gay before they knew it themselves. Chanyeol had utmost trust in his abilities and gut senses, and he could with confidence say that Kyungsoo was not gay. There was simply no gay in that little man. He was all straight edges and sharp corners. Straight as they come.

As he took another look at the smaller man sitting in the front row of the lecture hall, Chanyeol attempted to force himself to focus back on class. In the end of the day it wouldn’t matter whether or not Kyungsoo was gay (he was not, supplied Chanyeol’s brain helpfully), because Kyungsoo was his TA for the next two months at least. And he knew Kyungsoo was a stickler for the rules. He would not care that they are both students, nor would he care that Chanyeol is, in fact, older than him; he would still refuse to be involved with a student in a class where he is the TA. This is all of course assuming Kyungsoo was anything but straight, which Chanyeol knew is not the case.

Kyungsoo had been somewhat of a genius in high school – or so Chanyeol believed – because he entered school early, and graduated early. So despite Chanyeol being two years older, Kyungsoo and himself were both in their 4th and last year of college. And because Chanyeol put off taking this course which he should have done freshman or sophomore year, he was now sitting in a class where the TA was in his year. It was a Literature in Film course which he had to take to fulfill his literature requirement. He would have chosen something different really, but he had many requirements to finish up and this was his only option that would fit into his tight schedule.

And that’s how he spent the first two months of his semester falling in love with Kyungsoo, who he saw three times a week – twice in class and once in the discussion section he had to attend. Not that Chanyeol had any objections to that. Chanyeol took every opportunity he could get to see Kyungsoo. TA office hours became part of his regular weekly schedules. He knew it would be too much to attend both of the weekly office hours that Kyungsoo held – and he did have other things he had to do after all – so he limited himself to one session each week. This was a lot of time spent with Kyungsoo, sometimes alone, sometimes with other students around. Chanyeol loved every moment he spent with the younger.

It’s not like he did not know Kyungsoo before. Their college was not all that big and one knew of everyone in their class. That’s all he had known of Kyungsoo at first. Mostly buzzed hair with barely a few inches of bangs covering his forehead, black thick–rimmed glasses, and features that seemed perpetually scrunched up in concentration at seemingly nothing and everything. He didn’t really know Kyungsoo, he only knew of him until the day Chanyeol walked in to his Literature in Film class, slightly tardy right as Kyungsoo was being introduced by the professor as the TA for the class. Apparently Kyungsoo was an Acting and Film major – and of course, being the perfect man that he is, he excelled at it.

Chanyeol did not feel his heart shifting towards the other until the second week of class, when the Professor had fallen ill and Kyungsoo was to give the lecture that day. Chanyeol was slightly irritated – had Kyungsoo not been so competent and trustworthy, perhaps class would have been cancelled.  But then Kyungsoo started talking and Chanyeol was, simply put, smitten. Kyungsoo had the most beautiful soothing deep voice that Chanyeol had ever heard. He thought to make some coffee and chocolate and caramel comparisons but he concluded that Kyungsoo’s voice was beyond all that. He was surprised at first; the deep timbre of the younger’s voice unexpected, but as he listened and watched he realized that it fit the man perfectly somehow.

But it was not just the tone of his voice that stole Chanyeol’s attention. As Chanyeol paid attention to the context of the lecture, he found himself captivated by the passion with which Kyungsoo spoke, the happiness clear in his eyes as he explained the differences between a scene in a book and in a film and why those differences matter. Chanyeol loved watching people talk about the things they loved and were passionate about. It makes him want to learn more about the topic, makes him want to understand what about this enchanted people so strongly. It was no different with Kyungsoo. Chanyeol did not have an interest in neither film nor literature, but watching Kyungsoo speak with so much enthusiasm made him want to pay attention and learn more.

And so as he paid attention to full, plump, soft–looking lips forming words and sentences, he found himself more intrigued than expected. Kyungsoo knew what he was talking about, and he made the topic at hand more interesting than it would be otherwise. Or maybe it was just Kyungsoo. Chanyeol liked to believe it was both. Kyungsoo’s eyes sparkled whenever he was arguing for a specific point regarding the interpretation of a scene; Chanyeol guessed that Kyungsoo was probably a very opinionated person who would argue his point for days if he had to. He filed that under “endearing and impressive traits of little TA man” with all the other things he’d noted so far.

That’s how the first two months of the semester had gone by. With Chanyeol getting more and more enamored with the cute TA with the passing of every week, pining all day, whining to his roommate Baekhyun all night. Today had been slightly different though. And by different Chanyeol means gravely disappointing because here was Chanyeol, in class early, and yet a certain cute TA was nowhere in sight. When the professor arrived, he announced that Kyungsoo was not well this morning, but he would still be holding office hours later in the afternoon if anyone had any questions for him. Chanyeol frowned at that, both concerned for Kyungsoo, and disgruntled at being in class without his favorite distraction. An idea crossed Chanyeol’s mind which cheered him up a bit, realizing he could use this chance to get closer to Kyungsoo. He decided he will show up to office hours with some of the soup he made yesterday and some health herbal packs for Kyungsoo to drink. With that thought in mind, Chanyeol anticipated the end of his day, and the start of office hours.

He realized that he’d need to discuss something with Kyungsoo at his office so it wouldn’t seem like he showed up just for this, so he decided that he needed help with picking a book for the final assignment. The end of the semester was about a month away, and he had to write a long essay analyzing a book, its movie adaptation, and comparing the two works. So he decided he wanted to discuss his options early on. Or so he would tell Kyungsoo at least.

When Chanyeol walked into the little office given to the little TA, he was shocked at what he saw and his concern became immediately apparent on his face. Kyungsoo was incredibly pale,  looking weaker than ever, and he seemed like he could barely carry the weight of his own head. Chanyeol walked in soup in hand, but he was shocked at the sight, and now he was just staring. Kyungsoo noticed his presence, and lifted his gaze slightly to greet the student.

“Hey Chanyeol, come on in.” Kyungsoo’s strong deep voice was barely there, causing Chanyeol’s concern to grow even further. His voice was scratchy and barely audible. Chanyeol was utterly confused as to how the younger man could even be sitting here and not in bed at this moment.

“Kyungsoo...you don’t look so good.” Chanyeol knew he was stating the obvious, so he followed up quickly by mentioning the warm soup he had brought along. Kyungsoo was extremely thankful, expressing his gratitude as he began eating promptly as soon as Chanyeol offered the container.

“Don’t worry about me Chanyeol, I’m okay.” Kyungsoo said, in that hoarse sickly voice, attempting a smile that was more a wince than anything else. “What can I help you with today?” Chanyeol hesitated before sitting down across from Kyungsoo’s desk. Chanyeol settled down to mention that he is thinking about a specific novel–movie for the final project but he is unsure about his choice. However, as soon as he began speaking a coughing fit overtook Kyungsoo, and Chanyeol stopped speaking as he felt even more concern towards the younger man, who could barely speak. The sound of his coughs grating and painful.

 

“Kyungsoo….” Chanyeol trails off, hesitating. “Maybe you should go to the medical center and get checked?”

Kyungsoo’s head immediately snapped up, shaking his head vehemently at Chanyeol’s suggestion. “No I hate doctors.” Kyungsoo responded firmly. He looked so small at this moment, so vulnerable, and Chanyeol’s heart squeezed painfully, unsure what to do.

Chanyeol bit his lower lip as he thought about what to say next, squirming a little in his seat. “Kyungsoo” he said softly once again, “you live by yourself right?” Kyungsoo simply nodded, he was breathing hard, looking flushed, and Chanyeol thought that he is probably feverish. “I know this is a bit forward but...why don’t you come over to my dorm? It is just me and my housemate, and I am a really good cook. I will make you dinner and you can help me with the assignment? Anyway I don’t think more students are coming..and you don’t look so good and you’re my favorite TA I wouldn’t want anything happening to you who would help me then?” Chanyeol said all of that in one breath, and he knew he was rambling. Kyungsoo still managed to give him the amused expression he always gave the older whenever he rambled. The expression where Kyungsoo lifts one dark eyebrow and the corner of his lip. Chanyeol quieted then, waiting for Kyungsoo’s reaction. He was hoping that he didn’t fuck up somehow.

Kyungsoo heaved a deep sigh before shakily getting up. “You’re right, I don’t think more students will show up. Let’s go to your dorm and we can discuss this further.” Chanyeol’s face lit up at that, happy his invitation was accepted. He was excited to spend more time with Kyungsoo but more importantly he was relieved to be able to take care of him. People always underestimate what a regular cold can do to a person if not well taken care of.

 

***

 

Chanyeol and Baekhyun’s dorm is not the nicest or the most tidy; but it is not embarrassing either. At least not today. Chanyeol had led Kyungsoo straight into the small couch in the living room, letting him settle with pillows and a light blanket. Kyungsoo relaxed a bit stretching his body along the couch and looking at Chanyeol who was now fluttering about in the small kitchen area.

They did not speak much that day as Chanyeol quickly prepared a cup of lemon, ginger and honey tea for Kyungsoo, before proceeding to work on an early dinner. Chanyeol makes an easy stew full of vegetables and chicken breast with some rice on the side that he had made the day before. It’s hot and he us hoping it will be exactly what Kyungsoo needs. When he entered the living room with a tray carrying all the dishes, he found Kyungsoo lying down on the couch completely in fetal position. For a second Chanyeol though he had fallen asleep, but Kyungsoo opens his eyes as soon as he sees the taller student approaching.

“I didn’t actually believe you when you said you can cook well.” Kyungsoo mumbled after he took the first spoonful of rice and stew. “This is really good, thank you.”

“Why not?” It was Chanyeol’s turn to be amused at Kyungsoo’s words.

Kyungsoo licked his lips, small tongue peeking between full lips, before taking a deep breath. “I don’t know. You seem all over the place somewhat.” Kyungsoo said the words sheepishly. Like he realized it was perhaps impolite to be saying this while in Chanyeol’s house, eating Chanyeol’s food, with Chanyeol’s blanket draped over his shoulder.

Said man simply chuckled at Kyungsoo’s observation. “You are not entirely wrong, especially as far as this class is concerned,” Chanyeol took a bite and continued “but cooking is something I enjoy. I am always good with what I enjoy.” A small smile appeared on Kyungsoo’s lips as he nodded in understanding.

It was a bit silent afterwards as they finished their food. But it was not awkward. A comfortable atmosphere had settled over them that allowed Chanyeol to get lost in his thoughts a little deeper. He was not entirely sure what he was doing here. In all honesty, bringing Kyungsoo here was something he had done completely out of concern, and it had little to do with Chanyeol’s unrelenting crush on the other. He would’ve done this for just about any of his acquaintances, never mind his closer friends. Bur sitting across from Kyungsoo now, seeing Kyungsoo in his space; well, it does things to him. It turns him wishful and dreamy, and wondering why would God put such a cute man in his path only to have him be Straight.

Kyungsoo’s voice dragged him out of his thoughts as they both finished eating. Kyungsoo asked if it would be possible to have some more of that tea, and Chanyeol obliged him immediately, taking the dishes with him to the kitchen. Kyungsoo attempts to get up to help, but Chanyeol finds himself pushing him back down to sit before he even realized what he was doing. Kyungsoo puts up little resistance though. As Chanyeol brings the second mug of tea, Kyungsoo offers to help with his project now. Chanyeol almost refuses, but Kyungsoo assures him that he’s feeling a bit better, and he can at least hash out some ideas with Chanyeol.

They talked a lot after that. Chanyeol began by explaining his dilemma. His potentially controversial choice of book–movie adaptation project. He chose _Brokeback Mountain_ , and was not surprised that Kyungsoo was familiar with the story. Deep down he knew that his affections towards Kyungsoo had had something to do with this choice. He wanted Kyungsoo to know his preferences without him having to state anything too overtly. But that was not the only reason. He was being honest when he said he does well with things he enjoys. There is a personal aspect to the discussion of a gay love story that Chanyeol could relate to and that he was interested in. It would make the work much more tolerable if Chanyeol worked on something he found intriguing to some level.

Chanyeol wanted to explore the differences and the similarities between the novel and the movie adaptation, but he also told Kyungsoo that he’s interested in exploring the difference in the reception of the two works considering they were published nearly a decade apart, in very different societal contexts. Kyungsoo had seemed impressed but perhaps Chanyeol was being silly hopeful once again. But then Kyungsoo went on a ramble in husky low voice that Chanyeol had to strain to hear, explaining how the reception is an integral part of the analysis for the final project, and how no members of the teaching team – be it the professor or the TAs – would take issue with his choice, and that in fact, this was an excellent choice for the final project. As Kyungsoo wrapped up his spiel, Chanyeol took a careful look at his face. He still looked drained and exhausted but there was that glimmer in his eyes that he always got when he passionately explained something. Kyungsoo was excited about Chanyeol’s choice of project, and that alone made Chanyeol feel like he had just won the lottery.

Chanyeol ended up helping Kyungsoo get back to his dorm. It is not very far but he wanted to carry on the conversation, and to make sure Kyungsoo’s fever doesn’t get the best of him on the way. Kyungsoo found his fussing endearing for the most part, and let it slide even with Chanyeol insisted on packing the leftovers for Kyungsoo to eat later.

They agree that Chanyeol will draft an outline of his paper. Putting down all his thoughts before after reviewing both the movie and the book before moving on to reception research. It’s decidedly weird for Chanyeol to feel excited about something that is not his music courses, but Kyungsoo’s excitement is contagious. As they go their separate ways, Chanyeol could feel what was a mini spark of a crush expand in his chest into a little warm flame. But Chanyeol could also feel the ever present threat of this little flame turning into a consuming fire. Kyungsoo was just that mesmerizing, and Chanyeol hoped he was not playing with fire.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter II.

 

The next couple of weeks passed in somewhat of a blur. Between cramming for all the finals, doing final projects, and signing up for next semester’s classes, Chanyeol was drowning. One thing remained constant however, and that was spending time with Kyungsoo. Despite the hectic schedule Chanyeol was juggling, he still managed to continue attending his office hours, and to continue working on his final paper with Kyungsoo as promised. At first all they worked on was the project during Kyungsoo’s office hours after Chanyeol had finished the timeline as promised. There was a lot to unpack in the project Chanyeol chose, and writing essays like this was not particularly his forte, which meant there was also a great chance for improvement, and much room for Kyungsoo’s help.

At some point they exchanged numbers as Kyungsoo’s schedule was getting too busy with many other students seeking his help last minute, but he insisted that he will make time outside of office hours to help Chanyeol along. Chanyeol felt that Kyungsoo was truly invested in the success of Chanyeol’s project. He guided him, but never held his hand through the work. Chanyeol still did all the writing and thinking, and Kyungsoo was there as his sounding board and beacon. The massive crush on the small man aside, Chanyeol felt incredibly grateful. He could see that Kyungsoo was made to be in this position of mentoring and teaching. He enjoyed it and excelled at it, and an odd sense of pride filled Chanyeol’s chest at the realization.

Sometimes their conversations wandered away from the project at hand, especially when they’d meet up for meals, or at one of the library study rooms. The more Chanyeol got to know the younger man, the more his love and admiration for him grew. Kyungsoo was not only smart but he was also incredibly kind – if sometimes a bit short tempered – and Chanyeol, despite knowing that this was leading nowhere, continued to try and spend as much time with Kyungsoo as possible. This meant that there was a complaining session with Baekhyun at least a couple of times a week, with Chanyeol ranting that such beautiful specimen should not be straight, and cursing straightness altogether.

“You don’t even know that he’s straight for sure.” Baekhyun would say nonchalantly every time the topic comes up, and Chanyeol responds with a grunt and a barrage of articulate explanations and reasons for his conclusion. Baekhyun always ignores most of it, choosing not  to believe in gaydars and any such indications, and insisting you only know someone’s sexuality once you’ve asked them. Chanyeol sees the logic, but his long–held belief and habit of assuming people’s sexualities based on certain markers is deeply rooted, and has proven to be right more often than not.

Most of the time Chanyeol is okay with the outcome of being near Kyungsoo and being his – hopefully – friend. But there are certain times, especially when Kyungsoo smiles that adorable smile of his, where his face scrunches up and his eyes disappear and his lips resemble the prettiest of heart shapes, at times like those Chanyeol wants to lean down and kiss Kyungsoo’s face. He wants to kiss his scrunched up nose, and feel the way Kyungsoo’s lips stretch in that adorable smile against his own lips too. At times like these, Chanyeol’s chest aches a little; he always smiles back when Kyungsoo does, he simply cannot control it. But sometimes he cannot help wishing things were different, and his smiles then don’t always reach his eyes. He wanted Kyungsoo to want him. Wanted so badly for Kyungsoo to be someone Chanyeol could be with. He wished Kyungsoo were gay.

Whenever his thoughts travel down that path, Chanyeol does his best to reign them in. Thinking like that is useless, and would only upset him. He is, generally speaking, a bright and positive person. So he constantly reminds himself of how wonderful of a friend he can find in Kyungsoo, and that that will have to be enough. But he was also getting anxious as the semester came to a close. Once his project is submitted, there will be no more reason for him to meet up with Kyungsoo so often, and while he hoped Kyungsoo was starting to see him as a friend, he wasn’t entirely sure.

Kyungsoo was sitting across from him in a library study room that they booked, going over his own work, while Chanyeol had all these thoughts whirling around his head.

“Hey Kyungsoo…” Kyungsoo only answered with a hum, the top of his pen pressed against his plush lips as he read with the adorable concentrated face that Chanyeol loved so much.

“We….we’re still gonna hang out and stuff when the project is over, yeah?” Kyungsoo looked up at that question, eyes widening in surprise. Chanyeol tried to keep his anxiety from his voice, but he was never the most successful at hiding his feelings. Kyungsoo’s smile then is the most reassuring a smile could possibly be. Almost like Kyungsoo knew exactly what Chanyeol needed, and gave him that and more. It was a genuine smile, not a full on grin that hid his eyes, but a kind one that allowed Chanyeol to see all the sincerity in there. It was like an immediate balm on Chanyeol’s anxious heart, and he felt himself relaxing even before Kyungsoo said anything.

“Of course Yeol,” Chanyeol’s breath caught at the nickname. “We’re not working on your project right now and we’re still hanging out aren’t we? Anyway your project is just about done you don’t really need to see me for that anymore. All you have to do is do your damn citations and hand it in.” 

Chanyeol couldn't help groan at the mention of his biggest enemy: citations. Kyungsoo has been telling him to do those as he wrote the project since the beginning, but Chanyeol being Chanyeol decided to do exactly the opposite of that. So now he has 30 pages of a pretty well–written research paper to cite properly. The mention of the topic annoyed him but he cannot be annoyed for long as he’s flooded with relief thanks to Kyungsoo’s reassurances. He cracks a small smile and nods, mumbling that he’s going to take care of this soon.

“Besides,” Chanyeol looked up as Kyungsoo started speaking again, “I still want to eat more of your cooking. That stew you made me when I was sick was probably my best meal in the past two months.” Chanyeol grins then, promising Kyungsoo to cook him whatever he wants. All he has to do is ask really.

 

***

 

The end of the semester quickly approaches, and soon Chanyeol’s project is handed in, and Kyungsoo is no longer his TA, and he will no longer see him three times a week if not more, and shorty put Chanyeol never thought he’d feel depressed about a class being over, especially when it’s not one of his beloved music classes. Seeing this, Baekhyun had dragged him out of his bedroom forced him into some reasonably fashionable clothes – as in skinny jeans, black t–shirt, and the one leather jacket he owned as opposed to sweats all around – and took him out to a party at one of the mixed houses, celebrating the end of the semester.

It was a nice party, the mixed houses were always nicer to go to than the Greek houses, and they were more focused on interests or such as opposed to...Greek letters. There was plenty of alcohol too, which was always a plus in Chanyeol’s book. He made a mixed drink of Vodka and lemonade, and started mingling about. He was glad to be out of his room, distracted from thoughts of his small, precious, adorable and absolutely endearing no–longer–TA man. Okay so perhaps the alcohol was hitting Chanyeol all wrong, he’s supposed to be forgetting about Kyungsoo, instead there he was, thinking about his beautiful lips and bright eyes once again.

Chanyeol must definitely be getting too drunk too fast. The party is crowded, and the music is incredibly loud, and now he’s seeing things. He rubs his face with the hand not holding the drink; he is certainly not feeling drunk so, why is he seeing Kyungsoo in this party? Kyungsoo was right there in the same room as Chanyeol. Except it was not the same Kyungsoo he always knew. This Kyungsoo wasn’t wearing glasses which was incredibly odd. Like seeing a turtle without its shell..or something. This Kyungsoo was dressed in tight – God, incredibly tight – black jeans, and a plain white button down, tucked into the waist of the jeans. The arms of the shirt were fashionably rolled up, and Kyungsoo looked absolutely amazing. He was just the right amount of dressed up; dashing but not obnoxiously formal.

Chanyeol had never seen Kyungsoo dressed like that before, and to say he was feeling hot under the collar would be an understatement. Kyungsoo quickly noticed Chanyeol, and was now walking towards him, a small but wicked – at least to Chanyeol – smile on his face. Chanyeol gulped, throat suddenly feeling dry as he prepared himself to face the approaching Kyungsoo. He had to keep reminding himself to act casual, to do his best not to make things awkward. He hoped and prayed that he wouldn’t fumble around with his words too much once Kyungsoo began speaking to him. The first thing that came out of his mouth once Kyungsoo was before him was a sudden “you look good!!” to which Kyungsoo laughed loudly. Louder than usual, almost like he was somewhat bashful and wanted to cover it up with loud laughter.

“You’re looking good too Chanyeolie” Kyungsoo said teasingly, and Chanyeol really doesn’t know what to do with all these nicknames. They started talking, catching up a bit after not seeing each other for almost a week. Kyungsoo was behaving….strange. Chanyeol wasn’t sure if he was imagining it but it felt like Kyungsoo was being flirty, all stray hands and pointed touches and smoldering looks. Chanyeol was convinced that this might just be Kyungsoo’s persona, and they were both well into their third drink of the night, so perhaps that was playing a role too.

But then Kyungsoo took his hand and was dragging him towards the gathering of people dancing. Chanyeol was not too big on dancing. He liked it enough when he was surrounded with friends and knew the people around him, but now it was just him and Kyungsoo. He didn’t hesitate to join Kyungsoo because despite the strangeness he’s feeling in the air, he was having a lot of fun. Kyungsoo was making so many jokes, his sense of humor unique and Chanyeol’s body was loose with laughter. They soon started dancing and singing along to the songs they knew, and Kyungsoo….Kyungsoo was close. Really close to Chanyeol. His touches were not longer accidental, instead his hands were gripping Chanyeol’s hips as they swayed together.

Chanyeol’s breath hitched when Kyungsoo called his attention by tightening the grip he had on his sides. “Chanyeolie…” Kyungsoo called, voice not slurred but lazy and relaxed. “Is this okay with you, can I keep holding you like this?” Despite the noise around them Kyungsoo’s voice was the loudest sound in Chanyeol’s ears. Deep and sultry and gravelly in the best of way. The sound of Kyungsoo’s voice when he’s this relaxed sent a spark in the pit of Chanyeol’s stomach, and the words Kyungsoo was saying set his insides ablaze. Kyungsoo was touching him; a small yet intimate touch, and asking if he could keep doing so. He couldn’t really believe that this was happening, and yet here they were.

Chanyeol could not trust his voice much, so he simply nodded an agreement. He moved his own arms then, placing them on the shorter man’s shoulders and crossing them behind his neck. He folded himself on Kyungsoo as he took all the sensations in, and assessed his situation. He wasn’t fully hugging Kyungsoo yet, and they were still swaying vaguely following the rhythm of the music, but they were very close. Chanyeol moved to place his forehead on Kyungsoo’s shoulder, partially hiding his face as he tried to collect himself together.

He tried, in his haze of alcohol and emotions, to remind himself that he was certain that Kyungsoo was straight. And this, whatever this is, was strictly platonic. Kyungsoo was just drunk, and feeling touchy. Yes that had to be it. Chanyeol was not about to second–guess his senses or set himself up for disappointment. While lost in his thoughts – and breathing in Kyungsoo’s scent with his face almost buried into the side of Kyungsoo’s neck – he did not notice that one of the younger man’s hands had left Chanyeol’s hips, and all of a sudden, lithe, strong fingers were carding through his hair. They were both soothing and incredibly arousing; Chanyeol was caught between sensations and he breathed out a puff of air as Kyungsoo’s fingers sweetly massaged his head. He felt his body relaxing in Kyungsoo’s hold without him even intending you. “Oh cute Chanyeolie..” Kyungsoo murmured very close to Chanyeol’s sensitive ears, a hint of a smile in his voice. Chanyeol could not contain his shudder, and the whimper that escaped his throat despite his closed lips.

He turned his head slightly so that his ear not his forehead was now resting on Kyungsoo’s shoulder. Their faces were now closer than ever as Kyungsoo turned his face to keep looking straight into Chanyeol’s eyes. Chanyeol felt some anxiety then – he felt that his eyes at that moment probably said too much. He worried they’d reveal his secret feelings, and yet he could not look away. Not when it felt like Kyungsoo was seeing right into his soul, and not when Kyungsoo’s soft–looking, full lips so close to his own. The small tip of a pink tongue poked out and licked at said lips, and Chanyeol was helpless as his eyes followed the movements, disobeying the part of his brain that was attempting to keep his interests hidden. Chanyeol released a stuttered breathe as his eyes stayed on Kyungsoo’s beautiful lips, enchanted, and unable to look away. Kyungsoo’s breathing seemed equally strained, but Chanyeol was certain he was only imagining that.

He is not, however, imagining Kyungsoo tugging his head up slightly by tightly holding the strands of hair between his fingers, and pulling just right until Chanyeol is fully facing him again. Nor is Chanyeol imagining the fact that there is, essentially, no space left between their lips. Their breathe is shared as the fingers in Chanyeol’s hair slide down to caress the back of his neck. No imagination, not even one as avid as Chanyeol’s, could possible create such a realistic feeling of the lips that he was just admiring right against his own. So this feeling must be real then. Kyungsoo’s lips are really brushing his own; Kyungsoo was kissing him.

Chanyeol makes a low noise in his throat, barely audible, and Kyungsoo takes this as encouragement to properly press his lips against Chanyeol’s, taking Chanyeol’s lower lip between his own, and running his tongue against the soft flesh. It takes Chanyeol a second to make sense of what is happening. He is stunned, and for a second it feels like he blacked out, the world quieting around him. When he comes to, Kyungsoo is right there; no longer kissing him but still holding onto his hip and the back of his neck. Kyungsoo is staring into his eyes with a look that he isn’t sure how to interpret.

Chanyeol feels panic rising in his throat, and he is unsure what to say. He doesn’t understand what just happened, and his first thought is that Kyungsoo must be more drunk than he seems. This is a thing straight people do for some reason, make out with people of the same gender when they are drunk. Straight–until–drunk was not what Chanyeol expected Kyungsoo’s sexuality to be; Kyungsoo didn’t seem like he would be...like that. Chanyeol felt completely lost, his head swimming with a million thoughts. But he certainly could tell that his heart feels a little broken. He wanted to kiss Kyungsoo. He has wanted to kiss Kyungsoo so badly for months now. But not like this; not because Kyungsoo was drunk and any pair of lips would do.

Chanyeol’s breathing was visibly accelerating as the panic and the anxiety settled in his sternum, the dark thoughts he usually manages to keep away worming their way between his ribs, making it harder to breathe. His hands that were still holding onto Kyungsoo’s shoulders slip down, and he notices that Kyungsoo is still looking at him – now visibly concerned. Chanyeol – for once – has no idea what to do or say. So he decided to simply walk out of the house where the party was being held.

It felt almost physically painful to slip out of Kyungsoo’s tender hold, and to no longer be close to him. But Chanyeol would not do this to himself. Not again. In the past, when he thought it would be okay if people only wanted to kiss him when they were drunk, back when he was less confident, and simply needed to feel affection, he had allowed this. But that was long ago, and Chanyeol had promised he’d treat himself better than that. He deserved better than that.

So he walked, no ran, out of the party, without looking behind.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter III.

 

He could vaguely hear Kyungsoo calling his name, but he chose to ignore it. As soon as he walked out, he felt like he could breathe again. The crisp night air filling his lungs, and loosening the knots in his stomach. He took deep breaths as he continued walking through the campus until he found a bench somewhere, and took a seat there. He leaned down, his elbows on his knees, and his palms covering his face as he kept breathing deeply, trying to calm himself down. 

The campus was dead quiet at this time, so he was startled to hear his name being urgently called by someone - most likely Kyungsoo. But Chanyeol had never heard Kyungsoo’s voice so shrill, almost panicked. He snapped his head up to see Kyungsoo running and coming right towards him. Kyungsoo stopped as soon as he was before Chanyeol, taking deep breaths, and looking flushed and upset. Immediately, Kyungsoo dropped into a crouch position so he’s eye level with Chanyeol, who was still sitting down on that bench, unable to move. 

“Yeol...Chanyeol I’m so sorry, I’m really sorry” Kyungsoo began, and Chanyeol’s heart sank a little more. “I thought that - that we were on the same page. I am so sorry I should have asked before kissing you just to make sure.” Kyungsoo’s voice sounded clearly panicked, and Chanyeol was confused, struggling to understand the younger man’s words. Kyungsoo then reached a hesitant hand to hold Chanyeol’s own. “Chanyeolie, please say something. I really am so sorry, I really thought we wanted the same thing, and we were dancing for a while and - and it doesn’t matter there is no excuse. But I never wanted to make you uncomfortable Yeolie.. _ please _ talk to me..” Kyungsoo trailed off, sounding desperate, and almost on the verge of tears. 

Chanyeol took another deep breath, trying to decide how to respond. “Kyungsoo, I’m gay.” He said hoping that would explain the situation. Kyungsoo raised a thick eyebrow at that, clearly not understanding. “Yes and?” Chanyeol sighed at that, slightly exasperated that he would need to explain this in detail. 

“I know that it is a thing that many straight college students do where you get drunk and make out with the gay guy, and then we all laugh about it when we’re sober, but I don’t appreciate being on the receiving end of that.” He said all of that before standing up and starting to pace, as he continued his rant. “I like you Kyungsoo. I really really do, and I wish you were gay, and that you kissing me would be more meaningful than just a fun drunken time, but it’s not because you’re straight, and I don’t like to be toyed with, and I thought you were just being affectionate because we were friends and I liked just dancing with you. I never thought you’d want to kiss me.”

Chanyeol finally finishes what he had to say, and he is ready then to walk away thinking that this is a friendship ruined. Kyungsoo is also standing, and he looks absolutely furious. “I heard all you had to say so now you have to hear me out.” Kyungsoo said the words in a low, deep voice that on any other day, would have sent shivers of arousal down Chanyeol’s spine. But today, he simply stood still. “Please sit down, I can’t talk to you when you’re hovering above me like that and pacing, it stresses me out.” So Chanyeol sits.

“Okay, so first of all, I am not at all drunk. I was slightly buzzed but I can hold my alcohol really well and it would take so much more drinking for my actions to be out of control. Second of all, and most importantly..” Kyungsoo’s stern voice softens at this part, “I like you too Chanyeol, I really do. I was your TA all this time so I had to keep our relationship professional, but I really do like you…” Kyungsoo murmurs the last bit, slightly unsure, and Chanyeol jumps in at that. “But Kyungsoo, you’re str--” Kyungsoo does not give him the chance to finish that sentence, glare pinning him in place and shutting him up. “And lastly, whoever the fuck gave you the idea that I was straight? I have not been straight in approximately ever, and just because I dated girls doesn’t mean I have not also dated boys; which is something you’d know if you _asked_ me instead of assuming my sexuality based on external presentation and behaviors. God **_fuck_** Chanyeol I cannot believe you freaked out because you thought I was straight and fucking playing around you idiot!!”

Chanyeol is..well, absolutely speechless. He has never seen Kyungsoo this worked up before, but more importantly, he is trying and failing to process all the words that Kyungsoo just spat out. The first thing that his mind managed to process was that Kyungsoo liked him back. Kyungsoo, who he has been pining after for half a year now, also liked him back. Apparently Kyungsoo had held his affections back because of his position as a TA, and Chanyeol’s little heart felt like it could burst with happiness. Kyungsoo was not, in fact, straight. Kyungsoo likes him back; has liked him for a while. 

His brain and heart managed to process this information, but apparently his mouth was a bit slower. Chanyeol looked up at the still-standing man, and murmured a small “y-you like me?” that sounded much more meek than he intended; probably because his voice cracked. Kyungsoo’s face softened at Chanyeol’s tone, and he moved to hold Chanyeol’s face in the palms of his hand, thumb brushing minutely over the apples of Chanyeol’s cheeks. 

“Yes Chanyeol I like you. I like you very much. In a very gay way. In a I-want-to-kiss-you-and-do-other-things-with-you way. So Can I do that Chanyeol? Can I kiss you properly now?” Kyungsoo’s voice was so soft, and so deep, and Chanyeol was entirely smitten, and so gone. It was all good now, so he nodded vigorously, waiting to feel those plush lips against his again. 

What he was not expecting, however, was for Kyungsoo to push his shoulders so Chanyeol was leaning back fully against the back of the bench, and for Kyungsoo to climb into his lap, and settle himself right there, his legs folded and framing Chanyeol’s own. Before Chanyeol could fully process the weight and the warmth of Kyungsoo against him, hands were holding his face, and lips were once again against his own. This time, Kyungsoo’s kiss was more aggressive, almost possessive in how he was holding Chanyeol’s face. This time, instead of Chanyeol going rigid, he felt himself relaxing and going pliant under Kyungsoo, kissing him back just as desperately and wantonly. 

Kyungsoo pulled away just enough to whisper to Chanyeol between kisses how much he’s wanted him this whole time, how he couldn’t stop staring at his lips sometimes. Each of those words punctuated by kisses. He then moved to Chanyeol’s ear, kissing it, and biting his earlobe. Chanyeol felt like he was suffocating in the assault of words and sensations, and he couldn’t help shuddering and moaning when Kyungsoo started painting a hickey right under his ear. Chanyeol could feel himself getting hard in his jeans, and Kyungsoo was not sitting still long enough to let Chanyeol forget about it, constantly squirming so his beautiful ass rubs against Chanyeol’s hard-on.  

Chanyeol broke away from the kiss to take a much needed deep breath. His hands ran up Kyungsoo’s thighs appreciatively as Kyungsoo nuzzled in the crook of his neck, also taking a moment to collect himself. Chanyeol swallowed before speaking, his mouth dry, and his heart still beating fast.  “Kyungsoo, can we take this somewhere indoors?” Kyungsoo suddenly pulled back to look Chanyeol in the eye, his hand immediately reaching out to cup the side of Chanyeol’s face. Chanyeol easily leaned into the touch, turning his face slightly to kiss the inside of Kyungsoo’s palm. 

“You..You want to take this further? We don’t have to. We could stop for today and talk more tomorrow.” Kyungsoo kissed Chanyeol’s lips as he finished talking. A soft, reassuring kiss. 

Chanyeol licked his lips, still feeling the ghost of Kyungsoo’s own on his. “I want..I want more.” Chanyeol’s hands which were still resting on Kyungsoo’s thighs moved to grab his behind. Large palms enveloping soft flesh. Chanyeol squeezed Kyungsoo’s ass before pulling Kyungsoo closer against him, moving him easily so he could properly feel his growing erection beneath his soft ass. “I want you” Chanyeol said surely, no hesitation whatsoever in his voice. Chanyeol was also quick to give Kyungsoo reassurances similar to the ones the younger mentioned. “We obviously don’t have to. But I’ve wanted you for so long Kyungsoo..if you want me too, then why wait any longer right?”

Kyungsoo was off his lap and standing up before Chanyeol could fully finish his sentence. He held Chanyeol’s hand in his own, and began walking towards Kyungsoo’s dorm. Chanyeol stumbled a bit, but quickly caught up, and squeezed the hand in his own a little. 

The walk to Kyungsoo’s dorm was mostly silent, and they tried to walk there quickly. Chanyeol already missed the feeling of Kyungsoo’s body against his own, and they were both sporting uncomfortable semis that they hoped were not awfully noticeable. Despite their urgency, Kyungsoo never let Chanyeol’s hand out of his own, his thump moving to rub circles against Chanyeol’s knuckles. The warmth of Kyungsoo’s hand in his was comforting and grounding, and a constant reminder that this was no game, Kyungsoo liked him, Kyungsoo wanted him back. 

That night Chanyeol really discovered a whole other side to who he believed was his nerdy adorable TA, because as soon as they walked into Kyungsoo’s apartment, Chanyeol found himself pushed roughly against the door of Kyungsoo’s dorm. Kyungsoo’s body was quite a bit smaller than Chanyeol’s, and yet, pressed against the door with the entirety of Kyungsoo’s body against him, Chanyeol felt perfectly caged against the door, Enveloped in the warmth that is Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo’s lips were only millimeters away from his own, the shorter man’s leg wedged between his thighs, ghosting against his crotch, but Kyungsoo stopped right there. His hand came up to thread into Chanyeol’s hair once again, but this time his grip was tighter, not painfully so, but enough to keep Chanyeol in place. 

Kyungsoo looked up at Chanyeol after pinning him completely, pushed his thigh more tightly against Chanyeol’s crotch, and whispered “Is this okay? Does Chanyeolie like to play a little rough?”

Chanyeol felt his erection throb, and start filling up more at Kyungsoo’s words and his sultry tone. “Yes, absolutely.” Chanyeol attempted to nod his head but was reminded with the hand in his hair keeping him in place. Chanyeol whined in the back of his throat, and tried to slip his legs further apart so Kyungsoo’s thigh could apply more pressure where he needed it most. 

Kyungsoo, being the tease that he apparently is, moved his leg away entirely and decided to attack Chanyeol’s lips instead. Unlike Kyungsoo's kisses on that bench, this kiss was entirely mode aggressive. Purposeful; aiming clearly to rile Chanyeol up as if he wasn't already ready to break. The aggressive kissing continued as Kyungsoo's lips traveled down the taller man's jaw. Chanyeol took a shuddering breath as Kyungsoo licked and sucked and nibbled anywhere his lips would fall, clearly aiming to mar the beautiful smooth skin of Chanyeol’s neck with marks. 

Chanyeol could feel Kyungsoo’s hand, the one not in his hair, sneaking underneath his shirt, he was sensitive, and Kyungsoo’s hands were still slightly cold so he couldn’t help the shiver that ran down his spine. He gasped a loud moan when Kyungsoo bit his neck right as his hand pinched Chanyeol’s nipple. Kyungsoo stopped to look at Chanyeol and ask once again if this was okay. 

“This is all more than okay Kyungsoo.” Chanyeol’s voice was shaky and strained with arousal. He took a deep breath before continuing, “I will tell you if not.” 

Kyungsoo smiled at that, and placed a soft kiss right where he was biting before. Before Chanyeol could even blink, Kyungsoo was on his knees, his lips ghosting against Chanyeol’s still clothed crotch. Then Kyungsoo moved his face, rubbing his cheek slightly over Chanyeol’s pants, fucking  **_nuzzling_ ** Chanyeol’s erection. Chanyeol thought he might cum in his pants at the sight alone. He reached out and ran his hand through Kyungsoo’s short-cropped hair, and down his cheeks, caressing his face. Kyungsoo looked up at him then, and the sight of Kyungsoo’s kiss-swollen lips and wide eyes right next to the obvious tent in Chanyeol’s pants turned his guts in arousal .

Kyungsoo made quick work of unbuckling Chanyeol’s jeans, quickly slipping them and his briefs down and off his long legs. Kyungsoo immediately attached his lips to Chanyeol’s thigh, starting right above the knee and trailing hot kisses up. Chanyeol moaned when Kyungsoo sucked harshly on his inner thigh, ghosting so closely to where Chanyeol wanted those full lips to be, and yet not close enough.

When Kyungsoo finally decided to take Chanyeol’s cock in his hand, Chanyeol’s knees almost buckled at the pleasure, and he groaned loudly when Kyungsoo’s clearly experienced hand began stroking slowly up and down his shaft, while his other hand held tightly onto the side of Chanyeol’s hip, preventing him from thrusting or moving. When the kneeling man started planting kisses along the hard and pulsing shaft, Chanyeol thought he might just die right then and there. 

Kyungsoo started with closed-lip kisses; clearly intending to continue being a complete tease. He moved to kiss the sensitive underside of Chanyeol’s cock, until he reaches right under the head. Kyungsoo lets the tip of his tongue wander then; a pointed lick from under the head to the slit that leaves Chanyeol trembling against the door, leaking precome at the action.  Kyungsoo pulled back and Chanyeol whined, looking down again to see Kyungsoo’s lips hovering close, so close, to the head of his cock, but not touching. Not doing enough to bring Chanyeol the release he so desperately needs. Kyungsoo smirks and huffs a laugh, the puff of air causing Chanyeol to shiver in want. 

“So tell me, Chanyeol” Kyungsoo said in a teasing voice, as he started licking Chanyeol’s dick; first starting with little licks at the top, and moving downwards slowly, but keeping the eye contact with Chanyeol. “Do I look gay enough for you now?” Chanyeol’s resulting snort turned almost immediately into a loud moan, because Kyungsoo chose that exact moment to wrap his lips around Chanyeol’s cock, and start sucking. Chanyeol couldn’t help moving his hand to Kyungsoo’s hair, not at all controlling so much as comfort for them both.

After that Kyungsoo stopped teasing, and began to quickly bob his head up and down Chanyeol’s length, hollowing his cheeks and tonguing the underside just right to bring Chanyeol as close to the edge as possible. When Chanyeol warned Kyungsoo that he was close, Kyungsoo sped up even further. And when Chanyeol came, he did so with his cock sheathed deeply in Kyungsoo’s mouth, hitting the back of his throat. 

Chanyeol was breathing harshly as he attempted to get himself together, and before long, Kyungsoo was up and kissing him again. “You...you’re very gay Kyungsoo. So very gay, The gayest.” Chanyeol rambled between kisses, and Kyungsoo only chuckled and kissed him again. “Can we move to your bed now though? I think my legs are jelly.” Chanyeol joked as he leaned his head on Kyungsoo’s shoulder.

They quickly made it to Kyungsoo’s bed, and settled easily and comfortably into each other’s arms. Chanyeol attempted to help deal with the semi still obvious in Kyungsoo’s boxers, but Kyungsoo insisted that they were both tired, and there is always tomorrow morning. Chanyeol smiled to himself at the thought that his tomorrow will start with Kyungsoo, feeling so giddy and excited about the events of the night. 

“Hey Kyungsoo,” Chanyeol whispered right against Kyungsoo’s lips. Kyungsoo only hummed in response, already falling asleep. Chanyeol continued “We’re like...dating right? Boyfriends?” Chanyeol needed to be sure. 

Kyungsoo opened his eyes then to look right into Chanyeol’s eyes as he gave him a deep kiss. He cupped Chanyeol’s face, pulling away a little to see him clearly. “Yes boyfriends, and yes dating. I am going to take you on the most fun dates ever Yeolie. Let’s just sleep now.” Kyungsoo gave another kiss after. 

Chanyeol’s heart felt like bursting with happiness but his body and mind where both exhausted, and before he knew it, he was slipping into the best sleep he’s had all semester long. Right there in Kyungsoo’s arms. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry I was late with this one. It was a bit rushed because a lot is going on but I hope you guys enjoyed it ^^!

**Author's Note:**

> I know that this was far from perfect and also I did not read through it properly but it was important for me to prove to myself I can write something with some plot, so please be nice to me!
> 
> twitter: @chisaiihana_


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